Smallows and RIP Mildred

The first thing that people say whenever I tell them that I make my own marshmallows is: "You can make marshmallows at home???"

Yes. Yes you can. If you have a whole morning to while away, a kitchen to mess up, a few dozen pots and pans to melt, and a good long list of expletives, you're ready to make your own marshmallows.

I've made vanilla ones before, and they were good but slightly boring. These aren't your run-of-the-mill marshallows, these are SARAHMALLOWS, or Smallows (TM). Named after my fine friend Sarah, Smallows (TM) consist of any marshmallow that refuses to conform to the predictable purity of vanilla and instead chooses to go down the road less travelled. They're mallows with attitude. Do they care if your taste buds love 'em? Hellz no! Sometimes Smallows (TM) are good, and sometimes they're... not so good. (The not so good ones often end up in the trash, but they always, always taste interesting.)

Alright, every mallow, be it Sarah or plain Jane, starts with a death pot of molten sugar.

As you all know, I don't have many kitchen gadgets, and one of those gadgets that would have been oh so useful on this instance is a candy thermometer. But hey, I'm a resourceful girl, so I make do with what I have. (Which isn't much.) Still. I make do. This looks like what the experts call the "soft ball stage", so it's time to take it off the stove. (One way of checking is to dip a chopstick into the pan and then dip it into a bowl of cold water. If the sugar comes away in a ball, it's ready.)



Very, VERY carefully pour the super heated sugar into your mixing bowl of gelatin and cold water and mix on low until the sugar is all dissolved. Once again, you have to love my "mixing bowl"... which happens to be tupperware. =(



I tried a new recipe for marshmallows this morning, and it turned out really runny. For a second there I thought I was going to end up with marshmallow creme instead of regular solid ones...

Ah well, I soldiered on anyways and added an extra ingredient that would turn these mallows into Smallows (TM)...



Coffee! The difference in colour may not look like much here, but trust me. Like a kick in the face, it's there. And it's strong.



Cooling the Smallows (TM)...



Within minutes the batch was cool and I was able to very slowly peel away the parchment paper to reveal a mushy slab of sweet caffeine. Next comes the cutting and the swearing, but first let's go on to the second batch...



This one is a favourite of mine, and it's made with a generous slop of fresh raspberry-blueberry-blackberry puree.



As usual, beat the crap out of the sugar/gelatin mixture until it looks like...



Silly putty? Play-Doh? Radioactive sludge?
Any one of those will do, but take care not to over beat the mallows, because once they harden, they will be impossible to pour into the mold, and trying to spoon out the mixture will only result in mallow all over your hands and in your hair. Trust me on that one. I've had to snip off a few chunks of hair because of prematurely-hardened mallow (also because I finally gave up trying to mold my first ever batch of marshmallow and resorted to licking the bowl, thus resulting in a mallow mask).

Alright, now here comes the hard part. You know how some things aren't exactly difficult, only really tedious? Well, this isn't one of those things.

You don't believe me?



Try cutting up slabs of goopy candy which stick to EVERYTHING. Including the knife. And the other knife you got to scrape the mess off the original knife. And as you brush your hair back, glops of it sticks to your skin and your split ends and suddenly you need YET ANOTHER HAIRCUT.



The horrific mess that I made on the table... alleviated slightly by the bottle of wine on the upper right hand corner of the picture.

But then you get to do this...



Is there anything more beautiful than poking the soft belly of a homemade mallow? *Sniff* The answer is NO, there isn't.

Fruit and coffee Smallows looking happy together.



The coffee Smallows ended up being too damned strong, and I was on the verge of chucking them when a brilliant idea struck me and...



Ooo yes. Cocoa makes everything in the world okay. Mocha Smallows. So potent, so chocolatey, with a firm handshake from the shot of espresso. They're like the hardass gangstas of the mallow world, definitely not something you would want to trifle with... unless you mean business. *RAWR*

Alright, I have a piece of really disturbing news for you, and those of you with weak tummies might want to skip this part. It's not a pretty sight and extremely unsuitable for children. You've been warned.

SO. Remember Mildred the Mouse? Sure you do, she's the cutie hiding in my homemade scarf.

Well, unfortunately my scarf slid to the floor while I wasn't looking, and before I knew it, Pems had gone off and feasted on poor Mildred. By the time I found her, there really wasn't much of her to save.



Curled up in a pitiful ball in a corner, her belly torn open, spilling her wooden insides all over the carpet... it was all I could do not to get sick then and there. What a crime. What a murder! No investigation needed to find out who the culprit was. Who would have known that my puppy is a sociopath without a conscience?

R.I.P. Mildred. You were a good, lovely little mouse and you will be missed by all of us.